We were out of town on a Sunday and I purposefully didn’t weigh on off days; I didn’t want to be lulled into complacency or depressed by a non weigh day number. Sunday came around and woot! Down almost 1 pound, vacation AND Thanksgiving, boom shakalaka laka boom shaboom! I’m pretty happy. It’s coming off. It’s unbelievably slow (to the point of irritation) but it’s coming. I’m noticing a couple things as well: my pants are a teensy bit looser and I’m not seeing as much of a roll over the waistband as I used to. These are small victories, to be sure but they are victories. I didn’t make 127 by that day but I’m realizing that I need to stop setting deadlines for specific weights…it just adds stress and as long as there’s progress, I don’t need to be causing issues.
I am having a mindset issue however. I feel like my weightloss has been almost in spite of what I’ve been doing. I had a couple days where I was fairly unhappy and didn’t eat all that much because I wasn’t hungry and I wonder if that contributed to the loss. We also have sugar in the house; my parents sent us some amazing desserts from Sticky Fingers and I’ve been partaking. Not a lot and not everyday but seeing as I was doing well, not adding sugar at all, it feels like a slide. Coffee is still an issue and I feel like a failure for not being able to kick it. Because here’s the thing, if I wanted to, I would, right? So this feels like something I need to look at…it’s kind of along the lines of feeling like maybe I don’t really want this and if not, why? Because I do. I don’t feel good in my skin, I don’t feel pretty or sexy. All which begs the question (although I just found out that, that is not the correct use of that fallacy. Don’t care, you all know what I mean), why am I sabotaging myself? Why is it so hard to get into the mindset of a goal setter? Of an athlete, of someone who wants to accomplish something?
Here’s the thing: I really DO want these things. I want to be uninjured and a climber and biker and lifter. I want to get my NP and help people. I want to be a great mom and wife and have a clean, uncluttered house. I’m just not sure how to go about it. Maybe the first step is to just say it. To acknowledge that these things are not in balance right now and I need to take steps to correct it. After they’re gone, I’m ditching sweets for December. And starting Sunday, I’m losing SB. I’m going to take steps to make sure that I can get my coffee fix but no more SB just because I’m out of the house. The sweet thing will difficult because of the holiday but I can do it. Now I need to work on getting exercise despite all my various injuries. Next post!